“I can never get anyone to help me!” she claims. “And Laura can walk down the aisle and in two seconds have a man offer to lift her bag in the overhead.”

I told her, as I’ll tell you, that most men want to display kind gestures but are unsure if such offers would be welcomed. And I believe that women, like Kelly, forget they can request such respectful behavior and that they have every right to do so.

Here are seven keys that can help unlock your man’s inner gentleman:

1.    Be approachable: Make eye contact and smile

Recently on a flight as I walked towards my row, I saw a man sitting nearby made eye contact and softly smiled. After placing my purse in my seat, and before I made a motion towards my roller bag, this gentleman quickly jumped up and offered to help.

“Thank you so much,” I said as I stepped aside so he could perform the good deed. People generally gravitate to people who are approachable. Make eye contact and smile. If that doesn’t work, go to the next tip … ask.

2.    Ask in the moment: Let him know when it’s appropriate

Some men are afraid to offer or don’t think to offer because no one has taught them about polite gestures.  And then there are some men who simply don’t recognize the opportunities when they arise. So what to do then?  Simple.  Ask. I’ve never seen a man decline.

3.    Tell him: Don’t expect him to read your mind

If you could give your man a superhero power it likely would be that he could read your mind, but … alas … he’s no superhero. But you can help him with some super-impressive powers by telling him what you would like him to do – open the door for your, introduce you when you meet his colleagues on the street, eat with his mouth closed. You know what you want. Tell him.

4.    Give him time: Let him recognize the opportunity

When you reach a door, don’t just plow right through it … hesitate a few seconds. Give your companion a chance to be nice. Give him an opportunity to recognize an opportunity to show how much he respects you and open it for you. How can he show you he knows what to do unless you give him a chance to do it without verbal prompting?

5.    Say thank you: Let him know you appreciate it

There are few things more powerful than positive reinforcement. Say thank you when he offers you a compliment. Tell him how much you appreciate it when he walks you to your car. If he knows you welcome such gestures, he will most likely do them again.

6.    Let him repeat: Practice makes perfect

So you got him to get your drink at the bar during your last outing … high five! Now, the next time you go out, let him offer again before you make a beeline to the bartender. Practice makes perfect, ladies.

7.    Do unto others: Be as polite as you want HIM to be

This one is the kicker. Oh … that golden rule: “Do unto other as you would have them do unto you.” People most often reflect the treatment they are given. It’s the whole good-goes-around theory. If you want him to say please and thank you, say it yourself. If you want him to give you compliments, let him know he smells nice, or looks handsome or keeps his car immaculately clean.

As the cherry on top, here’s wisdom from the queen of etiquette, Emily Post. “The cardinal principle of etiquette is thoughtfulness and the guiding rule of thoughtfulness is the Golden Rule. If you always do unto others as you would have done unto you, it is likely that you will never offend, bore or intrude, and that your actions will be courteous and indeed thoughtful.”

(Published in OceanStyle Magazine, July 2011)

Eight Tips for Happy Dogs for Happy Holidays

Holiday time is an exciting time full of family and fun. Sometimes amid all the activity, your four-legged members of the family may get a bit neglected. Here are eight tips for happy, healthy dogs for the holidays.

1. Keep a dog friendly environment
First, make sure that your dog’s environment is healthy. The tinsel and fancy ribbons that are so popular are a choking hazard for your animals. Dogs love to chase string and having something dangling around can be an invitation to disaster.

2. Be aware of your dog’s mood.
Holidays usually mean visiting relatives and enjoying celebrations. If you find yourself overwhelmed by all the people around you, just imagine how your dog must feel. Puppies who love people may go a little crazy trying to keep up with everyone, and older dogs who are more set in their ways might be very cranky about all the activity. It’s important to remember to socialize with your dog and know that sometimes a little bit of time alone can be a relief for older animals.

3. Don’t feed from the table.
Dogs get a lot more table scraps around the holidays than at any other time of year. The delicious food in your Christmas feast is too rich for your pets and feeding dogs from the table rewards them for begging and encourages them to do it more. Even if you can resist your dog’s pleading eyes, your guests may not have the same willpower. Human food throws off the nutritional balance of your dog’s diet and “treating” them to leftovers and sweets may mean an urgent vet visit.

4. Include him in family activities.
Your dog is part of the family. Treat him like it. If your dog loves the attention of your holiday guests, there’s no harm in letting him hang out with everyone.

5. Keep a schedule.
Dogs like routine and often show signs of discomfort when their routine is interrupted. While it may be fun to hang out longer in your pajamas and visit with family during the holidays, don’t forget to stick to the schedule your dog is used to. If you usually walk Fido at 7 a.m. every morning, keeping him to that routine will keep him settled and happier. Fido will be okay with you getting back into your PJs after his walk.

6. Provide a safe place during fireworks.
Keep your dogs inside during fireworks, preferably with human companionship. Bringing your dogs to a fireworks display is never a good idea. Provide a safe place inside for your dogs to retreat. When scared of sounds they can’t orient, dogs often prefer small, enclosed areas. If your dog is comfortable in a crate, that may be a good option.

7. Double check ID tags.
Make sure all your dogs are wearing ID tags with a properly fitting collar. Dogs have been known to become Houdini around holiday time with all excitement and disruption of guests, and the fear of firework noises.

8. Take advantage of holiday specials.
During holiday times, many pet brands provide specials for their products. Keep an eye out when reading the newspaper, listening to the radio or browsing Facebook for details about how you could get your favourite pet product for a reduced cost or get something else special for buying what you already buy. For example, Purina (www.purinatt.com) currently offers special bags of Dog Chow that have extra pounds of food at no additional cost and has a Trinidad Wow Christmas promotion for which consumers win free Christmas dinners or an entire family entertainment room from Courts.